Why jealousy is good in a relationship

I freak out. I threaten to sic saber-toothed tiger on you. You don't go into cave with woman. Yet, jealousy still fits into our modern-day world as a "justified emotional response to losing someone," wrote study author Mark Attridge.

Which explains why I felt the way I did when I thought Donna might be making a play for my future husband. But do the findings about jealousy tell us it's good for a relationship? Read More. The verdict: Jealousy can be good for romantic relationships When you're reminded that your mate is attractive and that you're lucky, it can stimulate you to be nicer [and] friendlier. However, when jealousy is chronic, debilitating and overt -- well, that's when it becomes a problem, Fisher says.

Think: "Jersey Shore. Lauren Papp, Ph. If she suggests that another woman is behaving inappropriately, your wife is probably right. Most women have radar, an innate alertness to nonverbal communication and an ability to translate body language and tone into emotional facts.

Unhealthy jealousy is altogether different. It stems from comparing yourself to others and feeling inadequate, unimportant, inferior and pitiful. Some spouses have experienced a lot of loss in life — whether divorce, death or abandonment in childhood — and they may bring unresolved issues into the relationship in the form of jealousy.

Yet when a person carries this jealousy to pathological extremes, it will dominate a relationship. When the other partner resists, the jealous person reacts by becoming even more controlling. Then the other partner resists further by confiding in a friend or seeking relief outside the marriage. Sometimes this can become a downward spiral. When jealousy becomes unhealthy it is destructive and frustrating to contend with.

Love is not jealous and possessive. True love enables you to aim for what is best for the other person — not what is best for you. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

So how do you deal with unhealthy jealousy in your marriage? Here are some tips for both spouses — whether you have or are a jealous spouse.

Gary and Barbara Rosberg. All rights reserved. Published by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc. Feelings of jealousy can become problematic if they affect your behavior and your feelings toward the relationship as a whole. Here are some signs of unhealthy jealous behaviors.

If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, seek to understand the vulnerabilities beneath. If you need a little extra help doing this, I recommend working under the guidance of a Gottman-trained therapist. You can find one in your area on the Gottman Referral Network. They expect to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect.

They expect their partner to be loyal and honest. I need you to text me and let me know. The more you talk, the healthier your relationship will be. Is there a specific relationship that is making you uncomfortable?